For those who had read this topic ,will understand what I’m talking of.I discovered the one, who posed as a threat at that time, just a month back but I’m writing this now because at that time was I was busy in getting the essentials of my game done.But let me share this interesting story with you friends.Most of you might end up not believing it,some bored because it’s long and detailed…but if you have observed and studied human behaviors and it’s peculiarities at any point of your life,you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

I won’t name the person nor disclose his identity as he is a good person…must sound strange because he threatened my project and everything and caused me to lose sleep at that time.But in reality,how a normal person can become a threat is something that is worth interesting here.And after realizing ‘why‘ he did that,my reaction was more of a surprise than of shock because I couldn’t believe that he could do this for a reason like his.And the truth is he didn’t confess it,I just discovered it.I don’t even think he even realized that I had discovered the truth.But I know that it is true.And facts abide by that too.But before I start narrating how I discovered it and why did he do all that,I need to replay a little bit of back story from my life so that you can understand what is happening.

Ragging is something that is very much prevalent in Indian colleges.I think in America,it is sometimes referred to as hazing.If you aren’t familiar with the concept of ragging,read this topic.Ragging is abhorrent and is objectionable as per the Indian law.Let me quote a legitimate source for a better explanation-

Ragging is a criminal offence as per the Supreme Court verdict. Ragging is an offence under penal code and under section 116 of the Karnataka Education Act, 1983 (Karnataka Act No.1 of 1995), which define ragging as:

“Causing, inducing, compelling or forcing a student, whether by way of practical joke or otherwise, to do any act which detracts from human dignity or violates his/her person or exposes him/her to ridicule from doing any lawful act. By intimidating, wrongfully restraining, wrongfully confining, or injuring him or by using criminal force on him/her or by holding out to him/her any threat of intimidation, wrongful confinement, injury or the use of criminal force.”

Now with that being said, I had never encountered this “ragging” when I was in school and due to my close and limited circle of friends and knowledge,I never knew what ragging was before I entered my engineering college.Though ragging is a criminal offense,it is widely prevalent in Indian colleges because teachers and students are both afraid to report it to the authority.Students,normally the new batch,are  ragged by their seniors and they are afraid to protest because they know they have to live the entire course interacting with their seniors often and if they have to survive in peace at college or need favors,they have to give in.Teachers don’t protest as some of them consider it even ‘healthy’,or are close to the senior students,or don’t want to get into any ‘mess’ with the students especially because the student political union at college.These unions can do a lot of damage to the college.You might say strange system,but that is how it works here.

Now me being totally oblivious of these,I appeared on the first day of my college,fresh with anticipation of the excitement of meeting new faces around me,new teachers,tougher course,etc etc. Our teachers were late on the first day and two of the senior students crept inside the class and commanded all of us to stand up to “greet them”.I was so shocked by their audacity that I forgot that I was still sitting…I have never seen my school seniors this arrogant to their juniors.When the senior saw me sitting(and I was sitting in the first bench),he demanded why I wasn’t doing what others were doing.I simply asked them “Why should I stand?”.They were startled by my innocent question,and thought I was trying to act smart.But in truth my blood was boiling by then seeing their attitude and I had vowed that I’ll NEVER do what they ask me to.And that became one of the biggest and foolish mistakes of my life…..

These seniors, when they couldn’t make me obey them,called a few more seniors to support their cause.They kept asking stupid questions and things to me and all other students in groups openly in class…I call it ragging.Like asking someone to dance or sing(against their wishes especially the ones who couldn’t do or were bad at it),teasing girls openly,bullying guys,etc,etc and the boys were harassed the most.I refused to do whatever they said and angrily stood and faced the entire classroom and asked the students whether they support me in the cause of protesting the abuses by these ‘logger-heads’.Nobody replied or stood up beside me.I broke down into tears out of frustration and humiliation.They were openly humiliating us in the name of “interactions” and when the teacher entered the class, they left, citing they were just curios and interacting with the new students.

Being the first day of the new batch,the principal and director of the college introduced and spoke to us and teachers said that classes will begin tomorrow and gave us the routine,etc.After they were done,lunch time was announced.And then came the nightmare…by that time all the seniors in the college who were eagerly waiting for the teachers to go and rag us came to know of my “boldness” and decided to avenge it.All of them got into the class looking for me and demanded explanations as to why I was so adamant.I can’t recall what I really said but I didn’t care whether that angered them or not because I was hurt,angry and disgusted by their behavior already and decided to stand against and not leave my stance.There was a huge chaos and all of the college got to know of this including the teachers and other staff.Seniors kept rushing in our room abusing profusely and some of them even threatened to beat me up if I don’t obey.That is the point I gave up,I was really terrified by whatever that was happening and how I screwed up the first day of my college.One of the senior students(who also happened to be the college’s union leader),the college librarian and the security guard covered me,protected and took me outside the college.All the parents of new students were still waiting outside for their children and had got a feel of what had happened by then and I was escorted by the trio to my father.We went home.

Life in my college after that was a living nightmare,other students were ragged for the first one month into the college.And I became the “infamous,arrogant girl who dared to disobey her seniors”.My classmates,afraid of getting targeted my seniors for abuse,shunned my companionship for the first semester.Most seniors treated me with disrespect and disgust,while some saw me with awe.I was almost ostracized by both my classmate and seniors.Though the teachers,director and principal personally called me and appreciated my “bravery”,but I knew that my life as a student has changed for the worst.Things became a bit better in the second semester after the holidays as some of my classmates began talking with me.But then the union got themselves involved in a series of unjust protests in the college regarding some other stupid issues in the college and I kept voicing my protest every time I felt it was unjust or wrong.These happened all through the entire of my first year and the first half of the second year.People began to make stories about me,most of them defaming me as a girl.Well you can very well imagine what I was going through.After two years,the antagonistic feeling from everyone’s mind was almost gone because by then the first two batches of seniors graduated and the remaining got to know what I really was.But the damage was done and the my college life was a living nightmare for me even when things were better.I was deeply scarred at inside,and decided once I leave college,I’ll not keep in touch with any of my classmates or anyone….as there mere presence will always remind me of the most painful and worst days of my life.

Now coming back to the context,I used to often hear  that I have become some sort of a “Hero” from some of  my classmates.But if only they knew what I felt inside…I just wanted to lead a normal student life just like them,but I was always in the spotlight until the last day.My friends,my first boyfriend,my marks,etc,etc everything was being publicized and a topic of gossip.I just hated myself as to why was I foolish enough to protest against my seniors repeatedly,though I still don’t think I was wrong as I had good reasons to do that,but it ruined my life back then.This guy however,my stalker,used to like me a lot for everything that I did.He and others always used to call me as Matangini (Matangini Hazra is a female revolutionary who participated in the Indian independence movement) and though not close but acted as my friend.I was oblivious to him because I back then I counted days as to when I would graduate from the college and none of person or anything that reminded or were anyway related to my college amused me.He had high regards about me (something which I was totally unaware of until my day of discovery) and thought I would do something ‘positive’ about my life.For him,a ‘hero’ always has to be moral,noble and successful.Now with various rumors about me going around in college,he started to believe them.That disturbed his vision about me.Though he seriously didn’t have any love interest,he always kept up with my whereabouts and even now is in touch with me through orkut(in spite of me deleting his friend requests so many times that I eventually got frustrated and let him be).Through orkut he came to know about my website and was appalled to see me do something that was ‘non-productive’ according to him.He thought I’d be doing some software engineering job which I consciously chose not to.For him,being practical is more important then passion as it helps earn food.Not that I disagree,but I think everyone has to make a beginning in order to get success and the beginning is not always pleasant or promising in terms of money.I know what I’m doing and why,I enjoy doing it and have already received good response in my niche.I’m really grateful to all the players who had supported and been by my side or trusted purchasing games from me,something a six month old website isn’t always capable of convincing to their customer.Anyway,according to him I was not ‘right’ in whatever I was doing and my ‘image’ was already spoiled to him due to the college rumors.He thought he could act as my well wisher and started randomly posting his ‘well wishes’ in my website comments section so that I switch into a better paying job.When he saw that I’m not affected by his comments,he started posting his convictions from all the rumors he has heard.Lastly to scare away customers he posted that my site is a hacking site.I was horrified and frustrated and was sure he would attack with his verbal protests again anytime,but was wondering who or why would do such thing.

One day when we both were online in orkut,he began a conversation casually.He asked me whether I was working or not in my current company or have I left.(Now not all of my friends know I left my job,only a few of my close ones do and the ones who read my blog know.The reason I kept it undisclosed was because I’ve suffered enough of “good advices” for my ‘well being’ and that I should do a “good job”,etc from my friends,and I don’t want to spoil my hopes of doing something I love doing.)So when he asked the question,it struck me but then I thought of probing him a bit-more and more he started making comments and expressing his thoughts that were very much similar to the comments he had posted at my website.I won’t go into the details but at one point when I mentioned casually that there is one “well wisher” who loves giving me advice on my website,he completely changed the topic.For a normal person,he would have asked what happened as that is a more natural reaction.But he avoided.My suspicion was confirmed.Let me quote a part of our chat session here to give a better idea,I’ll call him XYZ and the bracketed parts are the ones I translated from bengali to english for understanding-

xyz: (Listen to this),one very interesting thing!!!
u will laugh

me: (don’t keep me waiting )

xyz: my dad
is writing his 10 or 11 th unpublished novel

me: don’t discourage his efforts
so what if its unpublished

xyz: about society religion ..blah blah
no i always encourage
infact he is not at all interested in publishing
I keep on saying that i will finance it

me: good,no point commercializing everything
i mean your father is right

xyz: now listen

me: what?

xyz: his last uncompleted novel ….has a character named moumita

me: coincidence

xyz: who happens to be the same girl my father saw
on the very first day of my college

me: now how is she portrayed?

xyz: standing against the senior students

me: and then?

xyz: she is the protagonist
of the novel
me: crushed…which was the truth
don’t joke
I’m very sensitive to these things

xyz: she is a frnd of another male character who is also standing against the …..eviks of the societ
i mean evils of the society

me: and then?

xyz: the story is not that easy
but very interesting

me: naturally,all true stories are not easy
so what is the ending?
xyz: I liked it ……& I have liked only 4 or 5 his novels

me: u didn’t tell me the ending

xyz: ending is yet not complete

me: so he is writing it still

xyz: the ending has 2 b good
yaa

me: lets hope so

xyz: I will send a copy of the novel ……if he completes it at all

me: I would love to read it
even if its incomplete

xyz: My father havent seen any of my frnd
except u

me: why?there were many there on the 1st day of college
xyz: he stills asks …..what she is doing ….did she get a job

me: so sweet of him
tell him
if I’m capable of becoming what i dream to then his story will achieve its happy ending

xyz: he still values u
so much

me: thats strange bcoz he only saw me for a moment i guess

xyz: yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
for sure

me: send him good wishes from me

xyz: no …..he has seen u ..& ur dad also….talked with him
for so long
ya

me: umm…may b I can’t recall bcoz I was still in the state of panic then

………(omitted some parts and then)

xyz: (today I’m feeling strangely funny to say all these to you)

me: haha

xyz: (though these are old things now but still you would have never know I didn’t tell you)

me: old is pristine
obviously
felt good really,it was totally unexpected
when did he start writing the novel?

xyz: hmm
infact long bak
I was in my first year of my job
he remembered u all those days

me: that is what special
for me

xyz: never let that image go off his mind

………(omitted some parts and then)

xyz: My father is a hardcore communist
he likes protest …..obviously
but
a girl out of so many boys alone stood up
just only becoz
she had guts
enough to challenge a existence
a practice
& no one did

me: don’t remind me of that day,it wasn’t a very pleasant experience for me.from that day my life in college was hell

xyz: ya but it made fans 4 u

me: actually ragging was banned in the college from the next year
only one fan
and my whole 4 years costed

xyz: dats again is in my fathers book

me: haha,reality is different from creativity

xyz: maybe that day ……all the parents present there valued u 4 ur guts,only my father among them was a writer
i knew dear
I saw it before my eyes

xyz: dont remember
all those stuff
but
think as outsider
it would feel good

me: no you dont’
you don’t know how I’ve been crushed each day
every moment
by people
for whom I had protested
u should share my thoughts with your father,he would get a clear idea

xyz: ya dats why …….college days r no more a stuff 2 remember
i know

me: that protesting isn’t always becoming a hero,it happens only in novels

xyz: yaa
but someday
u r valued,great things doesn’t happen in a single day

me: very true
but I’m happy that ragging was stopped the next year,i was genuinely concerned

xyz: people other than ur self being ……is just a audience

me: I always hope for a newer day
hope keeps me alive

Our conversation went on and on and I cleared some of his doubts.He enjoyed the conversation,so did I because I got to know how different people think in different ways.This statement particularly struck me-”never let that image go off his mind”.So it was my non-conformation to that “image” was what that compelled him to ‘put some sense’ in me by posting those horrible comments? Strange but I’m amazed how differently human mind works.The whole point of discussing my entire college life was to bring home the idea that why he thought me to be a “hero” and was disappointed to see me not act like a “hero”.And that actually made him harm me!! Something which he normally isn’t and hence is more difficult to prove or make him confess.He thinks whatever he was doing was for my good,when in reality it certainly disturbed me and harmed my work.When I was discussing about “Villain development of my game”,I was trying to put this same idea across.No man is bad,his ideas make him do things which are regarded ‘criminal’ by others.I wish he had known that what seemed glorious and heroic to him was a nightmare for me.I realized that he really wished well for me,but ‘well’ as per his definition.I don’t have any grudge against him now,because at least his intention was good though not applicable in my case.I don’t want to do a job ever again,not until I’m ruined totally in someway.

But I’m sure he won’t be posting threatening comments again in my website.Not that it really matters to me now after I know everything and I can always delete such comments,but because I discovered another interesting character for another game.Haha I’m feeling lucky!